#i will die on the trans race hill

[mostlybroadway]

racetrack higgins’s first love was robin hood.

a child of ten couldn’t help but be enamored by the hooded vigilante, stealing from the rich to give to the less fortunate. race himself was one of the less fortunate: his mother had died while having him and his father wanted little to do with him. like robin hood, race decided to make a life for himself with his friends. he just needed friends.

and then came racetrack higgins’s second love: spot conlon

she and race did everything together. when race happened upon the brooklyn newsies on a regular trip to the sheepshead, he was instantly enamored. finally, newsboys—news girls—who were just like him. or how he used to be.

spot and race were partners in crime. they sold together, ate together, and lived together in the small brooklyn boarding house. as they reached eleven, twelve, thirteen, they started to do more. they saw others kissing and wanted to try for themselves. their hugs lingered a little longer, their hands brushing against each other suddenly meant a little more. race had found his maid marian. and spot thought she had found hers, too.

racetrack higgins’s third love was jack kelly.

race had seen jack around. he made his way through lower manhattan now and again, seeing how the boys sold compared to the brooklyn girls. they needed some pointers, surely, but they were good company. they always wanted to play games with race if he asked them to. race wanted to spend the most time with jack, though. the newly appointed leader, the cowboy. race was happy with spot, and kissing spot, and loving spot, but his love of jack kelly was something entirely new.

race caught himself looking at jack’s chest and wishing his own vest and shirt sat flat against his breasts. race looked at how jack carried himself—so tall, so manly—and race wanted it too. race needed it.

when race told spot he was leaving to join the lower manhattan boys, she was not happy. she swore at him, she threw a few good shoves at him, but he remained strong. he still loved her. he figured he probably would always love her. but she loved someone that no longer existed.

racetrack higgins’s fourth love, albert dasilva, took him entirely by surprise.

albert welcomed race in immediately, just as spot had all those years before. but something about albert was different. while spot was loud and domineering, albert let race take charge. albert listened. albert was soft, and caring, and had that red hair that could make anyone fall at his feet.

albert dasilva helped racetrack higgins accept who he was. he helped him bind correctly. he made sure the other boys respected race’s privacy while changing. and he loved race no matter who he was.

and that made all the difference.

[raayllum]

like here’s the thing, right. when a work like TDP has a variety of races in it, you’re bound to have some fave characters who are white and some who are not. in my past fandoms my fave characters were a dark skinned black man, a dark skinned black woman, and a disabled, mentally ill asian man. if i didn’t have that background in writing subversive fic centred on their experiences, and seeing how their fandoms treated them with varying degrees of racism, stereotypes, and ableism - yeah, i may question my fave being the one (1) white girl amid a main trio of 2/3 boys of colour.

however

representation wise the odds are stacked that you will have more ��white faves’ than non white faves. certain archetypes also tend to be based more in race than others

however

if you only ever love white characters, and hate the characters of colour that are canonically important or involved in their lives (harrow with viren; terry and callum with claudia; callum and ezran for rayla, etc) i will and am absolutely side eyeing you so hard & sincerely hope you do some major self reflection

[fayewoodss]

George but more rarely because he is pretty twink-ish

Proven my point, george doesn’t get drawn fat because he has never been irl. Dream has been and has struggled, so he is drawn chubby the most. Sapnap also used to be chubby (but much less than dream) and insecure about it so he gets drawn as chubby but not as much.

Interesting how the amount of how much they do get drawn chubby is linked to them having been chubby in real life before. Why would it matter that George is twink-ish when these are all aus? Or are you now saying there is a connection and inspiration in reality? Your own answers aren’t making sense anymore.

The way the whole point of any of my aus is to play off of/be inspired by real life traits, but that also doesn't close the door to further exploration of new topics. I literally mention that in my responses and in the tags of one of them. As far as fic goes, there are plenty of fics with George being chubby or fat, but if you respected that representation, you would know that. Maybe YOU haven't seen chubby/fat George, but that doesn't mean that representation doesn't exist, and it not being common is not a negative reflection of the other CCs if they are represented that way.

I keep saying I'm going to let it rest, but clearly I'm feeling very early youtube career Dream today with my keyboard warrior tendencies.

I don't care if someone wants to make these characters thin or fat or muscular or gay or straight or bi or trans or pregnant or sick or dead or an animal or monster or alien or even change their race or turn them into an OC. This is just an au about dumbass girls being dipshits and trying to find some connection in a world that ostracizes them. I've given enough of a reasonable response about body neutrality and wanting to represent a common shared experience of insecurity in a way that would be fun and heartwarming.

You decided to take offense to my reasonable explanations and harass me all fucking day. Very unemployed of you. And I get that I'm no better because I replied and laughed along with it, but this is getting exhausting. I'm going to keep drawing this au the way I want to, the way that is important for me.

It's not for you, and that's okay.

You do not have to interact.

You do not have to see this content.

If this is truly the hill you want to die on, then privately message me and show me who you really are and we'll die on our hills together.

[fatehbaz]

[D]eviance and mischief. [...] [F]urtive [...]. [O]ther poetically inspiring words: secretive, surreptitious, clandestine, covert, conspiratorial, oblique [...]. We must fold these small acts of love and creativity and play (and laughter and irreverence and whimsy) into other resistant projects against white supremacy [...]. In various trans-American imaginaries, the boonies are raced as nonproductive land inhabited by people who are not fully part of the Western episteme. [...] Caribbean(ist) people are familiar with el monte, the hills, or les mornes. El monte is always just around the corner, encroaching, sprouting persistently [...] amid the rubble of hurricane disasters or abandoned plantation and industrial sites. [...] The hills, like much of our hemisphere, are sites of damage containing the residual energy of violence, [...] the “places of irresolution.” [...] [T]urn over rocks and push thorny vines to the side to find wet dirt, small creatures, and, perhaps, delightful hidden treasures [...]. I open my hands so that these and other surprises "jump into [them] with all the pleasures of the unasked for and the unexpected" [...]. Remaining open to these gifts of the nonhuman natural world [...]. How much ruddier might we be against the multiheaded hydra of white supremacy as “a world of mutually-flourishing companions” [...]?

Text by: Dixa Ramirez D'Oleo. "Mushrooms and Mischief: On Questions of Blackness." Small Axe 23 (2 (2)): 152-163. July 2019.

---

Every day I wake up and rehearse the person I would like to be. […] To use the words of [...] C.L.R. James, “every cook can govern.” [...] [T]his is what happens when people consciously decide to come together and “shape change,” [...]. And to move through the world with the intention of making it a better place for living creatures to inhabit. […] And most importantly, it’s an invitation to join in. And it is a reminder that liberation is not a destination but an ongoing process, a praxis. Every day, groups of parents, librarians, nurses, temp workers, ordinary people, tired of the horrors of the present, come together to decide what kind of world they want to inhabit. […] [W]e bear witness to rehearsal, study, experimentation in form, a multiplicity of formations of struggle being waged, often most strongly by people for whom freedom has been most denied. [...] “If We Must Die”: “Pressed to the wall, dying, but fighting back!” [...] [F]or so many people, whether abandoned by the state [...] or abandoned by society in a carceral site, fighting back, by virtue of necessity as well as of ethics, is building, always building. This [...] the care work, of rehearsal.

Text by: Robyn Maynard. “Every Day We Must Get Up and Relearn the World: An Interview with Robyn Maynard and Leanne Betasamosake Simpson.” Intefere: Journal for Critical Thought and Radical Politics Volume 2, pages 140-165. 19 November 2021.

---

The no of refusal is a mode of survival: an impenetrable boundary, silent or shouted. It is a refusal to be killed or to succumb [...]. Vast ecosystems flattened for plantations and fields, raw minerals pulled from the ground and sea for the building of nation-states [...]. Being-with requires a pause from which to imagine this otherwise, in all of its vastness and uncertainty. [...] To be-with [...] needs a disposition of attentiveness, listening, curiosity and noticing, [...] a "pedagogy of deep engagement". [...] The scale of violence [...] is immeasurable. [...] The immensity of the loss of people and ecologies to capitalist brutalities exceeds what we can comprehend. But [...] so do the myriad, and insuppressible flourishings and alliances, the joyfulness and love, the lives lived otherways. Attunement leads us to the gaps and silences and soundings that run through everything [...]. [T]hose imaginations of life [...] might rise to the surface.

Text by: AM Kanngieser. "To undo nature; on refusal as return." transmediale Almanac. 2021.

[rjalker]

Cannot believe I had to read with my own two eyes, somebody calmly pointing out the fact that some people, indeed, do not experience racism and are not oppressed by racism, and then somebody else responding, completely unironically, by repeatedly telling this person that they're stupid and chronically online and need to go outside and touch grass because it is apparently just such an absurd concept that... Some people don't experience racism and this is just a fact of how racism and white supremacy work.

you people would be a lot less racist if you would stop insisting upon co-opting the struggles and language of black and brown people to copy and paste queer politics onto, and then deciding to make insisting that these are the exact same thing the hill you have chosen to die on when you are literally choosing to die on the hill that it's violently exclusionary to say that some people don't experience racism and you are claiming that this is the exact same thing the exact same thing as saying that trans people are not oppressed.

You are literally making up people to get mad at you are literally deciding that the basic fact that some people do not experience racism and you are trying to pretend that this is saying that mixed race people don't experience racism because you have decided for some fucking reason that the experiences of mixed race people and non-binary and intersex people are exactly the same thing and that actually racism is just a metaphor for hatred against trans people so acknowledging the fact that some people don't experience racism is what you have now decided to translate to saying that non-binary and intersex people don't experience oppression.

Because you are racist, and think that queer politics aren't good enough to stand on their own that now you have to co-opt the struggles of black and brown people to make them seem more dramatic, like the kind of people who refuse to just call it emotional abuse and instead insist upon calling it narcissistic abuse because they think that emotional abuse doesn't sound cool or dramatic enough

It is 2024. Something has gone deeply wrong with you if you think the factual statement "some people don't experience racism" has anything to fucking do with whether or not people who do not conform to the gender binary are oppressed.

Queer politics and racial politics are not the same thing.

Racism is not a secret metaphor for hatred against queer people for you to decode and declare that somebody saying some people don't experience racism means that what they're actually saying is that people who break the cissexist gender binary aren't oppressed.

You are simply fucking racist and have decided to die for no fucking reason on this hill. This is your sign to fucking cut that shit out right fucking now because holy fuck.

If you are reaction to transrad fems is going to be to declare that every single person on this fucking planet is oppressed by every single fucking system of oppression at all times, then you are just going to become worse than fucking useless, it's just a matter of time before you start saying All Lives Matter If you are choosing to take the basic fact that some people are not oppressed by racism as a personal and violent attack against queer identities that are not even remotely involved.

[dre4ml4nd-st4rlight]

Punk rock band mate alter request by @cupofmoths . Hope you enjoy !! Glad to have been able to add another member to Disgrace :3

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

「 ✦ Base ID ‘ s ✦ 」**

╰┈➤ names : sInNner , MAyhEm , CHiv , rAmoNA , sPikE ,

╰┈➤ ****Pronouns : any prn , it/its , rock/rock , sin/sins , amp/amps , met/metals , punk/punks , fire/fires

╰┈➤ Titles : LoRd of MAyhEm , CHivalRouS bASsTarD , Leader of Disgrace , puNkrOt , gOd of puNk

╰┈➤ Genders : agender , transgender , transfem , dykefem , musiccomfic , metallian , musicstimic , loudmusicgender , impurnalcravic

╰┈➤ Orientations : lesbutch , lesdyke , biles , autophile , sapphophilia , hybriphilia

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ other id ‘ s ๋࣭⭑ ꩜ ˎˊ˗

☾ Cis - typing quirk ( chaotic capitalization of letters ) , musician ( singer , guitarist ) , anger issues , hypersexual , autistic , ginger , 5’9 “ , 25 , Musician , Guitarist , cross dresser ( for fun / on occasion ) , piercings ,

⟡ Trans - gender ; male to ( xenic ) female , male to nonbinary , addict / permahigh ; crystal meth + ecstasy + nicotine + weed , Perma-stimming , transage ; born 1983 + Perma 1980’s + 1990’s + young to old ( 25 - 30 / 32 ) , nonhuman : rock angel + God ,

ᯓ★ 「 ✦ Roles + Alter Functions ✦ 」. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

emotional processor , alemetive , persecutor , sysadult , sensual reliever , reliefmate , artisan

MAyhEm’s role is to process any anger the body / headmates may experience ( whether it sPikE’s anger or not ). Amp does so through music ( writing it , playing it and listening to it ) , distraction ( being loud / chaotic ) , and occasionally through self harm ( any kind, not just physical harm ) . Sin can also help to create new alters - it can help them form by helping them explore different aspects of their identity ( typically through music + tattoos )

⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆ Interest and misc details ⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

favorite colors : Red , fire colors , Black , grey , gold + silver

Hobbies + Interest : Music ; playing it, making it ( bands of interest : acdc , Metallica , guns and roses , kiss , maneskin, other bands of that genre I’m not familiar with hehe ), listening to it. Gardening + flowers ( like a calming past-time ) , Glampunk styles , old cars + motorcycles , racing , tattoos ( looking at / doing ) , pissing people off , making a statement , rallies , pride fests , parties , shows , preforming , loud noises , doing hair and makeup ; specifically for preformance .

they stim by : singing , dancing , playing with their hair , texture seeking ( they like very rough textures like rocks + asphalt ) , rocking back and fourth

Is the lead vocalist of the band Disgrace , loves to hang out with their bandmates and is in a sissasystem with them

sin loves to tattoo punkself other members of the system , their skill helps them in creating others .

CHiv is very chaotic and loud , met loves to break out into song and dance at any given point , will sing along to anything , and will argue with anyone about anything they feel so inclined to . They are similar to this quote from Brennan Lee Mulligan ; “ You can count on this , I will die on any hill “

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾

── .✦ Photos + Aesthetic hoard

face claim

aesthetic hoard

[irkimatsu]

physical or emotional characteristics you would like in a human husk

Sorry for sitting on this for a bit! I'll admit, part of me was being autistic and overthinking this. Is this about what I'm personally attracted to in Husk, or what I think would be best for his story in canon? Is this about what he was like before he died, or what he'd be like if he could be human again after everything that's happened to him in hell?

I'm going with "how I see him as a human on Earth before death, and who I thought he was regardless of my own personal attractions and biases". (Well, a little bit of my own biases. No such thing as unbiased fiction. But accuracy is my priority on this one.)

First and foremost - human Husk is black. I will die on that hill until canon tells me otherwise. There could be other pieces of heritage in there somewhere - I don't think I'm qualified to speculate on that too hard - but as far as skin tone goes, he's black. I also like when art gives him dreads, it just looks right, though I'm not as much of a stickler on that matter. Gotta have some scruffy facial hair, though, I demand that much.

As for why... is it all the good fanart that made other options look wrong in comparison? Is it because he's voiced by Keith David and I just can't imagine a white guy sounding like Keith David? Those are definitely pieces of it. I know it's not canon and I'm not out here attacking people who lean otherwise on Husk's race, but as for me, he's black, end of discussion. On the shorter end of the average as far as male heights go, but he's not noticeably short in isolation. Definitely taller than my short and stout self. Weight probably fluctuates depending on his situation - his finances as a gambler would be all over the place, and so would his diet, varying between lavish meals in overpriced steakhouses, and dinners at home consisting primarily of cheese puffs and bottom-shelf beer. I do like him with a gut, though. Maybe he's just naturally predisposed to having a gut, even when he's starving. (Told you there'd be some bias.)

I'd definitely want to put decent thought about what it was like for him as a black man growing up in early 20th century Las Vegas, but without being 110% certain that anything I'm saying makes any fucking sense, I'm biting my tongue on that one. Definitely a topic I'm interested in, though.

I should also probably mention that yes, I know it's a common headcanon for Husk to be a trans man. It's interesting! I have no actual reason for not writing it myself. Not sure what to do with it, I guess? If it was canon I'd of course pay more attention to that aspect, but for now, whoops. You guys have fun, obviously! Just like with the popular ship, if anyone ever took "Irk doesn't write this thing" as "Irk thinks that thing is bad" I'd cry, don't do that

I like the name Oscar for him while alive. Saw it in a post on here once and it just felt right. Thank you, random Tumblr user I forgot who you are whoops again! Until canon tells me otherwise, he's Oscar in my heart.

I think his dress style while alive would match a similar trajectory to his Overlord-to-servant transition - a snappy dresser when he can afford it, would never be caught dead looking the least bit disheveled. Button-up shirts, freshly ironed suits, the finest colognes! But after he's a washed up divorced drunk, who gives a shit. His clothes are a lot more tattered now... but honestly, living in a place like Vegas where half the population are various flavors of downtrodden, washed-up addict, he doesn't stand out. At least he has that going for him.

Personality-wise, I think as a child and a young man, he was a big dreamer, even a bit of an attention whore. He's wanted to be a performer for as long as he can remember, ever since he started seeing magic shows and jazz bands as a kid. He may still be introverted in the sense that putting on a show is exhausting and he needs his space, but when he's in the right frame of mind, the stage is where he belongs. He worked so, so fucking hard to be a performer! He really could have been something if Vegas didn't chew him up and barf him out...

That dreamer attitude also made him a serious romantic when he was younger. If you accept a date from that man, he will spoil you. Flowers, fancy dinner (if he can afford it), a personal serenade... he doesn't fall into actual honest-to-god love very often, but when he does, he falls hard and puts everything he has into showing the person he loves that he cares. He does lean toward monetary gifts = affection, though... please, Husk, sometimes your partner really would be happiest with a hug and a song. But he doesn't see it that way, he has to keep gambling to be able to afford the lavish lifestyle his lover deserves. Fucking Vegas.

As an older man on Earth, after a turbulent divorce and decades of addiction and depression, he's a lot like the version of himself in the hotel. Doesn't give a shit about much besides where he's going to get his next drink. He does miss his dreams and wonder what could have been if he didn't screw it all up... but there's no point thinking about wasted opportunity. It just hurts. Drink it away instead. He spends his last few years alone, gambling and drinking and just waiting to finally fucking die.

Death was supposed to be a second chance for him, you know? He could pick himself, become someone again! Too bad for him that "someone" was once again a gambler, and that addiction is always going to catch up with him...

This is a rambling mess. I apologize! I just hope I answered the question correctly! Sorry if I messed it up!

[misfit-mania-the-first]

Okay I know this is old news or whatever but I am so mad about how much hate the artist/author of Boyfriends on WEBTOON gets.

From when I was more into the comic, the main reason ppl had to be upset at the person were:

A) They drew BTS nsfw art in their teens

B) They fetishized trans men

C) The characters are all Asian and do not look Asian

D) They had the nerd say he was a proshipper

These reasons are honestly so bad to me. Idk if anyone else has extra info or maybe something else he did was bad, but I’m going to explain why I think these are such bad reasons.

1. BTS nsfw art

I’m just going to come out and say it’s bad to write or draw fanart/fanfics of any real person if they haven’t given consent to. It’s different from characters because these are Real People with real emotions and such. And yeah, that wasn’t good. But a couple things. They stopped drawing it around 17-19. For some people that’s way too old to be drawing that, and many think that it’s an attempt at an excuse.

I don’t think that’s the case. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve seen online of people having bombastic crushes on singers and actors and doing the most heinous shit because they were teenagers. Teenagers just Do That. Yes it’s creepy, but many people go through a phase of having to learn how to seperate fiction from reality and it’s in your teen years. It’s not odd, and I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility to consider that a 17-18-19 year old would learn that and send out an apology. I mean our brains apparently don’t even develop till 25. There was also one point that many believed that the artist actually liked someone else’s nsfw BTS art recently, but I saw the post they liked and in my opinion…I had no idea who tf they were drawing. I’m not into BTS but I’ve seen pictures and if I was just scrolling one day and saw it I’d like the post. I don’t remember any BTS specific tags or a BTS related caption. Maybe the entire account was about that and so they didn’t feel the need for tags but I have no idea.

2) They fetishized trans men

Writing four trans men acting stupid and cringy in college and having healthy relationships and discussing boundaries and consent in a polyamorous relationship is not fetishizing. The artist himself is a trans man.

Sidebar, many critiques also center around the unrealistic portrayal of four ppl being in one polyamorous relationship together which honestly? Who cares if it’s unrealistic, it’s a good portrayal and it’s a romance, why can’t gays just have a happy story for once.

3) The characters are all Asian and do not look Asian

Hey, I didn’t know they were Asian either. I mean, I figured jock was but not the others. But honestly it’s not that big a deal. They’re the only four characters in the entire series I believe( other than their girl counterparts) and I’m sure if there was another character that wasn’t Asian we’d be able to tel. But even then, many many comics have a similar simplistic artstyle online, and race and ethnicity are not always obvious. Also the artist is Filipino, so I really doubt there’s anything iffy going on there.

4) Nerd is a proshipper

There’s nothing bad about thinking fiction ≠ reality and that you can act independently of the fiction you consume. Most people irl are proship without realizing it. Most literature is proship, because it explores every single aspect of storytelling. Antis really have not chosen the best hill to die on.

And that’s all I’ve got.

[maglors-anion-gap]

9,10 and 13 for the weird writing ask :3

[from this ask game]

I'm late getting to these! when I ask for asks, never trust that I'll respond promptly (send them anyway, though, I like attention)

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know.

kinda, maybe? There's been some times where my mom was sure she was visited by something.

She was downhill ski-race training at night once when she was younger than me, and she tripped on something and fell. Her dad came running up the hill because her light went out. She was a junior olympic racer, the snow was fresh powder, and the place she fell was clear of debris - but if she hadn't fallen, she would've slammed face first into a tree at 70 mph and died. The light on the course was out; she would never have even seen it. Falling saved her life, and she fell over nothing, over thin air.

She's also been visited by her grandmother twice. On the worst night of her life, she said she felt her grandmother, who had been dead for twenty-some years, sit down next to her and this feeling of peace came over her. Almost a decade later, I was out in the forest with her, somewhere her grandmother would have liked to be. I was doing something with our gear, and I turned around and she was kind of crying. And she pointed down the path and said "I just saw my grandmother. She stopped by again to say goodbye, because I don't need her any more." And I genuinely can't remember if I saw a person on the path or if I'm imagining what my mother saw.

On a more pragmatic note, I think people feel strongly about ghosts for one of two reasons: sometimes you get a gut feeling that something's wrong, and that's usually worth listening to; and respecting the dead/the passage of time and life is part of the grieving process and being able to let go of people who have passed in a healthy way. I think science affirms, not discredits, the need for a mourning period; people might dismiss them as a thing of the past, and the economically minded certainly begrudge bereavement time, but what's profitable isn't synonymous with what's kind or what's right. You need some time and some space to get right with your love and your sadness. So traditions around mourning and paying your respects to your ancestors are very interesting to me!

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Haunting is like, when I can't stop thinking about something, and I keep turning it over in my head. This can be a good, bad, or neutral thing, depending on if I enjoy thinking about it, or if it torments me. I don't think I've ever been tormented by my own writing (except perhaps in embarrassment); I don't think I've ever managed to write anything that soulful (though I've certainly tried). Right now I'm being haunted by that Tom Stoppard quote, let me find it:

“What do I want? Nothing which you'd call indecent, though I don't see what's wrong with it myself. You want to be brothers-in-arms, to have him to yourself... to be shipwrecked together, (to) perform valiant deeds to earn his admiration, to save him from certain death, to die for him - to die in his arms, like a Spartan, kissed once on the lips... or just run his errands in the meanwhile. You want him to know what cannot be spoken, and to make the perfect reply, in the same language.”

I am being haunted by this because 1) this is what it's like to be a gay man, 2) this is what it's like to be a trans man, 3) this is what it's like to love a man. And I am in a really weird place where I love my partner, I covet what he is, and as supportive as he is, I also get the sense that 0% of this makes sense to him. It's all impossible to talk about, I want him to understand it intuitively, and to know what to do. Instead he asks me if I might grow my hair out again.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

I am having a weird-hard time writing about women who want to be women. In the sense that: I would be cool with being a woman if being a woman meant nothing and I existed in a void without anyone else around me. Introduce one person to the void and I have to get as far away from being a woman as possible, because their idea of being a woman is always different from mine. Had a big row over my hair - I actually like having long hair, but not when people tell me I ought to. So because I'm having a weird-bad time with being an (ex)woman, it's hard to think or to write about why that's actually enjoyable for many people.

It was never hard before, and once I get this worked out it will be good and easy again and I will write about lots of women. Unfortunately right now all of my women start drifting into manhood.

Otoh: it's very easy for me to write about sex.

my newest fic is about 1) women and 2) sex and that's why it's taking so long to finish. The sex is done, the women are not. Apologies to the intended recipient :'(

[katatonicimpression]

I don't know if this is really, like, a real point to make or a thing I particularly care about or a hill I'm willing to die on, but I kind of really like x-statix and x-cellent but I also feel weird about that.

Like, I just read the new x-cellent and it made me laugh and maybe that should be it.

These are very silly, but often quite funny storylines. Low stakes stupidity and dumb jokes. I often enjoy them. I also like how self contained the storylines are; it's refreshing, especially during big events like Sins of Sinister. So, what's the issue?

So, two things

Hypocrisy

Political stuff

So, for the first point. Am I a hypocrite for finding a story about a bunch of x-characters doing stupid things with kinda corny, meme-y jokes enjoyable, when it's a thing I specifically complain about in, say, x-terminators?

There are some differences. The x-statix characters are almost entirely confined to their own storylines; they're characterised for this genre and therefore don't feel undermined by this kind of writing. But if Jubilee, Boom Boom etc. are suddenly dropped into these memetastic roles, it feels like they're out of character. You're expecting continuity and you're not getting it. And that's literal continuity of plot, but also continuity of characterisation, and of genre conventions.

But I think a lot of the comparison still holds. It probably is inconsistent of me to find pretty much the exact same sensibility irritating and unfunny when it turns up in x-terminators.

I dunno, maybe I was just set off by the phrase "juicy dumper" and was just never going to enjoy that series lol

...

2. the politics of x-statix... right. So off the bat, it's worth establishing that the intentions of these series has always been "progressive, but flippant."

So, they're having a diverse lineup, they're making lefty-liberal commentary about social issues, but they're doing it from a flippant, irreverent place. It's a similar tone to, like, Archer.

They actually had multiple out gay characters on the team way back in 2001. They have trans and non-binary characters, which is still a big deal even today. They talk about misogyny, about racism, about homophobic and transphobia.

But also... well, the flippant tone lets them down at times. I've talked before about "Spike"'s appearance in their 2001 run. It's bad. It's racist, it's homophobic.

Specifically, it feels like it's trying to do something clever with it's commentary on internalised racism or something, but ends up just duplicating weird stereotypes.

And it's not just that. There are a lot of times when it's veered out of Archer territory (which is ultimately pretty wholesome) and into almost South Park vibes (that is to say, mean-spirited).

A comparison I kind of want to make is to The Boys (the tv show specifically). In that, they have all these fun jabs at Disney and superhero movies in general. Social commentary on misogyny, social media, the commodification of lgbt+ people. And then... they also have commentary on race stuff and it's... um... not as sharp, not as precise.

I don't really have a conclusion about any of this. I feel conflicted because it's not like these series have never been egregiously offensive. It has, and I reckon it probably won't be the last time. And I feel weird about recommending them for that reason. But I also think they do deserve credit for their politics too sometimes. Especially back in the 00s when the overall vibe of Marvel was much less progressive.

....

So yeah, those are my weird thoughts about x-statix.

[candy-floss-crazy]

Now, we are a corporate entertainments company. We specialise in catering, funfair rides and photography services. So why are we posting about a little known bank robber from the days of the Wild West? Well, read on to hear about a macabre tale of how the star of our tale, ended up as an exhibit on a travelling carnival show. A brief bio shows that McCurdy was born on 1st January 1980 to an unmarried mother, and an unknown father (allegedly his mothers cousin). He joined the army in 1907 as a machine gun operator and received (minimal) training in the use of nitroglycerin. Which for those who don't know is an explosive compound used in the early years for blowing things up. The Robbery Years McCurdy decided to incorporate his explosive training into his outlaw activities. Sadly like many an idiot, his skill with the stuff fell short of what any semi competent bank robber required. Indeed many of his robberies were marked by him blowing the safe and its contents to smithereens. A case of "You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off", as a certain Mr Caine would later remark. After his final robbery he was tracked down by a posse, and whilst being drunk was killed in the shootout. Embalming Now this is the point where the tale would normally end. If he was a particularly famous outlaw, he might have ended up in the famous Boot Hill cemetery. More likely being a third rate clown, he would have been dumped into a paupers grave, unmarked and unloved. For one of those reasons lost in time. The body was taken to Joseph L. Johnson, an undertaker in Pawhuska Oklahoma. Here it was embalmed with arsenic, shaven, dressed and stored in the back of the funeral home. The body remained unclaimed, and the undertaker, unhappy at working for nothing decided to exhibit the body to earn a little money on it. Variously known as the Embalmed Bandit, the Oklahoma Outlaw and The Man Who Wouldn't Die. Johnson charged a nickel a visit. The Carnival Con It would have remained an obscure and quickly forgotten piece of folklore. If it wasn't for James and Charles Patterson, owners of the Great Patterson Carnival Show. They turned up claiming to be McCurdy's brothers. Having already gained permission from the local sheriff, they took possession of the body to give it a 'proper' burial in San Francisco. Instead they redirected it to Arkansas City in Kansas. The erstwhile McCrudy was exhibited as 'The Outlaw Who Would Never Be Captured Alive.' Museum Of Crime In 1922, Patterson sold his carnival to a Louis Sonney. He exhibited a travelling museum of crime, featuring wax replicas of famous bandits and outlaws. The exhibited corpse accompanied the official sideshow that toured the country with the first Trans-American footrace, a multi day race across the USA. Narcotic, The Movie The corpse had a slight diversion when it was used by a director, Dwain Esper to promote his exploitation film titled Narcotic. It was actually placed in the entrances to theatres as The Dead Dope Fiend. A bandit who supposedly died robbing a chemist to support his drug habit. Sonney died in 1949 and Elmer McCurdy was placed in storage in a warehouse in L.A. It made a brief appearance in another film in 1967 called She Freak. making him I suppose more successful than many an actor who only appeared in one film. By 1968 he had moved on again. This time to Spoony Singh, owner of a wax work museum, and was exhibited at Mount Rushmore. He was a little worse for wear by this time, with the tips of his ears, fingers and toes being blown off. He then moved to his last exhibition gig, being placed inside a funhouse at the Pike Amusement zone in California. Making him unusually well travelled for a corpse. Rediscovery Our intrepid hero's story came to an end in 1976. The Six Million Dollar Man, remember that one, Steve Austin, who ran really quickly in slow motion, was being filmed at the Pike. A prop man moved what he took to be a wax figure hanging from a gallows. Unfortunately it happened to be Elmer McCurdy, and in being moved his arm promptly fell off. The worker saw that human bone and muscle was visible in what was left of the arm and realised it was a human corpse. Police were duly called and the figure transported to a coroner's office. A doctor conducted an autopsy and concluded, quite correctly, that it was of a male who had died from a gunshot wound. Inside the corpses mouth was a ticket stub for Louis Sonneys Museum of crime. Dan Sonney was contacted and confirmed the identity of our hero. A forensic specialist was also called in, who using techniques to identify corpses confirmed the identity. Boot Hill On 22nd April 1977, Elmer McCurdy was transported to the Boot Hill cemetery in Guthrie Oklahoma and laid to rest at a service attended by 300 people. He was buried to Bill Doolin, another Old West outlaw. To ensure he stayed put this time, he was entombed in two feet of concrete. If you look at the map of his travels, you will see he travelled coast to coast. Read the full article

[jigzsaw]

idc ill die on this hill: I hate doctors in the US. Whenever someone is like ‘I feel like doctors don’t treat [group] well’ it’s like yeah. Doctors tend to not treat women, black people, people with uteruses, the mentally ill, the physically disabled, or trans people very well. You might be thinking ‘that’s a lot of different people’. Yeah. It begs the question: who are doctors actually helping? It begs the question: what’s happening in our medical system that doctors consistently treat such high portions of the population so poorly? It begs the question: as long as our government attacks these people, as long as our government favors the privatization of medicine, as long as our government is kind to medical monopolies, will doctors ever really change? Will they actually listen to the concerns of women? Will they stop prescribing higher doses of medicine to black people than white people? Will they stop noting black people as more aggressive than white people even if they clinically present the exact same? Will they learn how medical conditions present in races beyond white people? Will they actually investigate severe period pain? Will they stop over-prescribing antidepressants every time someone struggling with mental health comes to them? Will they let their patients have autonomy in their health regardless of their race, gender, physical or mental ability?

No bc if you make bank off people being sick you have no incentive to treat them well or care about their wellbeing. You have the incentive to instead make them as sick as possible so you can steal as much money from them for as long as possible. These high prices are imperative, not only so the billion dollar health industries keep getting their billions, but so doctors are paid well enough that they never feel a strong problem with their position in society.

And hating on psychiatry bc American psychiatry needs to kill itself. How do u live with ur self and tell urself that u help people when ur a DOCTOR AND YOURE CONNECTED TO NOT JUST THE AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC CARCERAL SYSTEM BUT THE AMERICAN SLAVE LABOR BASED PRISON CARCERAL SYSTEM. Like how do you participate in sending mentally ill people in crisis to prison for the crime of being mentally ill and struggling and think ur a good person and a benefit to society

[macgyvertape]

FF14 Stormblood thoughts

Lets see, I posted my running commentary on wrapping up Heavensward in Oct '22 so it's been a while. My friend and I got busy and took a break from the game.

A long time ago I forget who posted:

“#do new players know any opinion they have about stormblood is basically akin to #someone finishing da for the first time this year and saying they have some thoughts about anders they'd like to tell you about #like cool it's understandable you have these thoughts. i however am running for the hills”

which now that I've finished Stormblood I understand, and that's with skipping a bunch of non MSQ stuff.

I'm so excited for Shadowbringers, it was impossible for me to dodge spoilers since people I follow for D2 were posting about it, so I'm going into it knowing a lot of the big spoilers while the friend I play with has no idea. So I was very excited to see a certain skunk haired character pop up post expansion patch.

Actual running commentary on Shadowbringers below, I'm so glad I took notes for when I took a break

Wow so theres swimming in this new city?

I know vaguely who Zenos is and he’s the main antagonist. Just waiting for him to be introduced since the antagonist in the beginning is a joke of a dude with a hammer

Zenos shows up with like a golf club bag of swords, I know this dude is supposed to be this game’s attempt at Sepiroth but I’m not impressed

It was very easy to predict that some of the people we just did quest for were going to die. But damn something happens to Y'shtola every expansion 

This storyline is very serious and draws on real world issues, which could not be more of a contrast to my friend and I playing it as we hangout and eat dinner

Fighting an unwinnable fight with my 2 applicable WHM damage spells. Sure he slashed me up but I feel like in universe I can heal tank through anything but a drugged drink

Wow the Black Rose is some serious warcrimes chemical warfare. 

I thought Lolorito was dead what’s a dude working for him doing here

Fuck this fish-dude with the bell. Its totally personal

Wow so the imperial viceroy is a asshole who has people kill their family for displeasing her. Really casting the imperials as absolute monsters

Wow huge underwater sections, also didn’t know the dragon-ppl lived underwater

The more Yotsuyu talks the more I’m like “hmm maybe Ilberd had a point”

Susano is a delight, he’s just hamming it up

Huh so apparently Kurenai is the real princess and the person we fought was the body double, I’m going to continue this questline even though it isn’t worth it exp wise just to see how this plays out

Gotsetsu returning to the village: not sure if the intent was to have him be naive, but he comes off as an asshole with talking about how he is owed hospitality and complaining about the tone people talk to him in. Like dude, the whole village is going to face deadly repercussions if you’re seen.

I didnt realize there was a wolf-person race. Why can’t we play as them?

I thought Yugiri was gonna die when we fought Zenos round 2. Guess he’s one of those trope “lives for a strong fight”.  

Took a week break then coming back to another new faction with Cirina kinda feels like its killing the momentum

I wasn’t expecting this Sun cult, Magnai is such an asshole, like fuck off with the slavery and a double fuck you with the sexism

Gosetsu is so arrogant, like if he would just shut up things would go so much more smoothly

Is Koko and Sadu of the Dotharl trans or non binary? Great if they are. Like their belief in reincarnation seems pretty understandable if you factor in the later lore about sundered beings being shards of each other and merging over time

Can’t believe we’re letting this empire dude run away for a second time

Yotsuyu had sad childhood backstory, still not sympathetic for the injustices she commits now. 

Hien is gonna flood Doma Castle, i know this is like a historical tactic but all I’m thinking of is Rains of Castamere

Damn Gosetsu got taken out by a falling rock (ceiling), how anti climatic I’m not really torn up about it because all the characters just stood around talking

I’m gonna really hope Hien actually killed Yotsuyu with that sword blow

At first i thought some of the questnames were coincidences, but no Doma part of Stormblood has a fair amount of Hamilton references

Oh no Krile, feels like a real kick the dog moment for Fordola

Summoning a primal to bring back a dead child, the question isn’t if this will go poorly but the extent of how poorly it will go. (Although you can resurrect people in battle so I guess thats gameplay and story difference)

I appreciate how Allisaie tried another option

The Shri Lakshmi mechanics were hard and annoying, most challenging fight in a while

Big fire the death star vibes for Fordola, also I just realized she has thigh high tights with the gap between the skirt. WHY instead of armor like other characters get

A randomly appearing Estinien, how did he know to come here? Why now? I have no idea but what a cool entrance, this is the hottest he’s ever been

Does Fordola have the fuckin sharigan?!

Lyse looks hot in the new dress but its the most impractical thing for a fight wtf. Its total fanservice, player character and her fly towards eachother in what could easily be framed as a kiss then the achievement is called “cheek to cheek”

Key to Victory is the quest type I hate where I don’t have firm directions where to go and I got instawiped by the npc followers getting close to the wrong enemy. Wish I could start on very easy

So we freed Krile, what about the rest of the people in the pods?

Zenos turns into the primal dragon that used to be Ilberd, talk about desecrating Ilberd’s belief in using the power to fight the empire

This is a very anticlimatic ending to 4.0. I’m not emotionally tied to Zenos either enjoying him as a villain or hating him as a rival, more like “ah not this asshole again lets see who wins the fight by virtue of plot armor” 

So Zenos killed himself after getting 1 good fight, but I know he’ll be back. I’m imagine my character standing there like the Saitama “ok” face

Ok so Estinian stabbing the eyes means Lahabrea and Igeyorhm are super dead

Guess Elidibus stole Zenos’ body. They should have burned it

Nero being Cid’s ex is the funniest way to interpret him joining the Ironworks

Why is this Arnevald guy talking like he knows me

All of the above written before Jan 2023 and then I took a break till November

Got back into the game and its like “here’s a backstory about a guy who was the product of sexual assault from an occupying military force and his horrible childhood” and then “here’s Fordola’s sad backstory where her father was stoned to death by a mob for collaborating while he was protecting her”.

So that’s really sad, then the next quests are the Sultana’s backstory and “go to the golden saucer, try not to get distracted, challenge impossible”

The orb dissipation duty sucks, I just failed it so I could do it on very easy mode

Me: Alphinaud is gonna fuck up paying for this sword, he’s talking to a pawn broker. 30 min later: yeah he fucked up

Patch 2 sure is my least favorite, I don’t like Gosetsu or Yotsuyu 

Wow not a surprise  the Imperial diplomat is also an imperial zealot, and he’s Yotsuyu’s brother meaning that whole family tree is fucked up

Me: guess the Tsukuyomi wasn’t so infinite. My friend: One Piece was a better anime

The camera really emphasizes Asahi’s crazy eyes and obsession with Zenos. Funny since Zenos then is obsessed with the Warrior of Light

This Garlean with a bunch of Ascian mask trophies is kind of intimidating, but he much have just killed the weak sundered ones. I have no idea who he is, but funnily I know what Ascain is running around as Zenos

Extremely annoying 2 part solo duty that I had to redo when almost getting to the very end, followed by very funny Y'shtola shooting down a guy who had the hots for her

Hell yeah Exarch showing up, now the fun begins because I’m very spoiled on Shadowbringers and my fiend has no clue 

Me: Mr nap time himself! My friend: whose this guy. Such a fun intro with Emet being mean to his family and hamming it up, where he’s ???? until the name Solus is dropped

I appreciate the non serious tune and amount of dutch angles in his intro

Oh shit the Ascian hunter is Gaius (not Balter), I didn't recognize him at all since the part of his old mask around the eyes was white I thought that was his skin color

Oh I’ve been mispronouncing Emet-Selch with a ch sound. Also lmao he takes time to be mean to Varis

Ok after the 2 part negotiation with Varis I want to see Solus bully Varis some more. He deserves it

My friend doesn’t recognize the Crystal Exarch from the brief bit at all, if he didn’t remember who Lahabrea is then no chance he recognizes G’raha Tia except that G’raha has been in Dawntrail marketing 

Damn so Stormblood ends with a fade to black and then a jumpscare evil Varis grin…

Post quest cutscene: Zenos bodyhopping I guess

[ventbloglite]

GC's, TERF's and other such transphobes claiming to be feminists like haleysaphicorner really baffle me in how incidentally sexist and just downright strange and unusual they are about women. And by women I mean cis women, and the concept of being a woman, womanhood etc (as well as the no-brainer hatred of trans women.) whilst claiming to defend them!

In their attempts to 'save' women and the concept of womanhood, they say things which actively degender women (including cis women), reduce women and womanhood down to sex only and place suffering whilst being born with a vagina as the only thing which truly shows womanhood outside of sex. All whilst judging the body types of other cis women, based on attractiveness and stereotypical femininity as well as choice of lifestyle, dress and personality traits. All of this which is done by the patriarchy. All of this which is done by the worst kinds of misogynistic cishet men you can think of. These things they are saying to 'protect womanhood' are exactly what has been used to oppress women for centuries. And they don't see it.

In your race to be 'critical' of gender 'theory' and destroy trans peoples ability to identify as they feel instead of what others tell them to be, you are directly contributing to the lines of misogynistic thinking that oppress all women.

The Patriarchy wants to see you as just some female, fit for your biological purposes and inherently defined by them! (Periods, having female reproductive organs and genitalia, being able to conceive and give birth, having large or at least noticable breasts). There is a huge difference between refusing to be seen as 'weaker' because of these body parts, which you may or may not view as special/valuable and insisting that they are the only or main thing of importance about being a woman at all.

The Patriarchy wants you to value yourself based on your level of conventional attractiveness (having the 'right kind' of 'female' body).

The Patriarchy causes you suffering and tells you it's 'because you are a woman/what makes you a woman'.

And TERF's etc believe it and promote it themselves because they hate trans people. Literally their hatred of trans people actually seems higher than their love for women and hatred of misogyny. It's a total misdirection that misogynists are laughing at. Fight the trans 'enemy' instead of the patriarchy and the Big Man laughs.

They would rather decide that animals have evolved these techniques because of a fear of rape* and the hatred of the bogies they make out of men in order to 'prove' that being female/a woman is based on suffering (ignoring the high rates of rape for trans women ofc). They would rather decide that they (and all cis women) are more of just a female and less of an actual woman, actively degendering women down to their base state, a less human state (and not in a fun therian way), a less of a person if you will, than share a gender with a trans person. Or in the case of trans men and AFAB nonbinary people (they are not ready to learn about intersex people), share a sex with someone who is not a woman.

If that's the hill they want to die on, then theyc an die on it. But they clearly have no respect for or understanding of women, womanhood or themselves which isn't dripping in misogyny as well as transphobia. Astounding how you can belong to a gender and so vastly misunderstand that you are more than 'just a female' and that womanhood looks different and is valid for every woman who should never be reduced to just genitalia or made to believe in 'divine suffering' instead of trying to actively change things for women so they don't have to suffer.

By the way; * I don't know about the spiders, but female ducks evolved that way not because 'all' duck sex is rape because Duck Patriarchy or some shit you believe to have in common with ducks (again in terms of actual human on human rape and sexual violence you do directly share that with trans women), but because it gives them active control over who does and doesn't get to impregnate them. They will relax their vaginas to allow a drake they like to actually ejaculate where he needs to, and keep it contracted and difficult to navigate for those she doesn't no matter how hard they try. Ducks are not walking away with trauma from 'being raped' and considering it 'part of what makes them a female'. They're walking away confident that this idiot just shot his load into an random pocket whilst her beau gets to make eggs with her. Have a source I guess.

[unidentifiedfuckingthing]

in true transformers fan fashion ive gotten excessively attached to the interpretation of transformers canon that exists exclusively in my head and is only vaguely based on existing media.

knowing this will not stop me from complaining about existing media not conforming to my idea of canon because Mine Is Better

[nonbinarygamzee]

putting aside the all or nothing approach to whether a body of work is misogynist and measuring that on the nebulous cartoon definition of openly and unsubtly holding disdain for women. in what fucking world is homestuck not Also having thematic conversations about race and ability? i think we can both acknowledge a lot of homestuck is "ironic" for the purpose of asking a question and also acknowledge that a lot of the time the person asking those questions was very much doing so in bad faith or a want to be right without unpacking the ways that they navigated the world. a lot of homestuck was AH actively being provocative and then doubling down with the fandom-upd8 telephone game instead of admitting when the perspective of white stem nerd could in fact limit understanding and care for the nuance of marginalization and maybe the ironic bigotry doesnt actually signify godlike understanding of systemic issues the same author has had a long history of simply playing into straight.

like man i get theres a fear of admitting that a trans person could in fact like any other person in the world be influenced by misogyny but at a point youre choosing to side with an active obstinance that very knowingly made a lot of other trans people fucking miserable for many years. and its an odd hill to die on with a work so full of problems and an author who actively refused to actually comment on any apparent growth we are expected to be projecting onto retrospectives when all work to come after it has been intentional in its mean spiritedness for those exact people. like.

massively overstepping my own boundaries of not thinking about thing that stress me out again. but we have genuinely lost the fucking plot